So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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