you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize