I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Welp...herpes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
