by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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