You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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