yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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