So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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