He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
