my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
