So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
