my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
