I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
