I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
