I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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