You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
