Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
