I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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