Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
