i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
