omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
