2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
