You're so nebulous sometimes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
