It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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