OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
