I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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