Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
