Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
