Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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