i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
