apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
