I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize