I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
