What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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