I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
