Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
