Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
