yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize