Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
