I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
