somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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