hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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