remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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