I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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