check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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