Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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