oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
MIDGETS
????
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize