youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
