your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
