if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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