In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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