girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
