Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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