Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
