I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
