By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
