I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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