CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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