angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
