found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
