i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize