So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
