I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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