It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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