If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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