im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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