The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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