you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
tell me about the eggs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
