Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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