my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize