My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
