i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
