You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
