I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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