I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
