i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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