I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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