sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
