New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
