I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize