some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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