Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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