someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
