We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
