And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
