he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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