He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
