The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
how drunk are you?
Several
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
