I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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