you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
