even my farts smell like vagina
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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