I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I smell like Dick and happiness
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
