ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
