We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
