What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
