We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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