im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
