You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Still dying that you shit outside
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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