I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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